The First & Last
by merinxD
Summary: Sakura is delivering medical supplies and comes across a sick Sasuke. This is a moment in time just before Itachi's death and the curse of hatred, and also looks at Sasuke's inner feelings. Weaves into the main story, no events have been compromised. M for mature thought patterns. Reviews appreciated! Written in response to a fic request. ONE SHOT


**A/N This one shot is in response to a request on my Ask Tumblr. It is set somewhat in the past, so hopefully the character essence has been captured fitfully. :D **

**Any mistakes will be fixed up at a later time, anything annoying please tell me! **

**Anonymous asked: **sasusaku request- Sakura helping Sasuke deal with withdrawal symptoms from Orochimaru's drugs.

Disclaimer – I do not own Naruto.

**THE FIRST AND LAST**

Your vision is blurry, objects and scenery fading in and out, just like consciousness. The sounds of the crickets are loud, almost deafening to your sensitive ears. There is too much to focus on, too much sound, too many colours...No point of convergence for your sick muddled mind...It's not possible. There is no way to distinguish up and down any more; No way to know if you are dead or alive.

Where are you? This can't surely be hell, it is too kind. The ground is cold to the touch and feels like it is encompassing you completely. That's okay though. Perhaps, the earth can open up and take you away; Far from this horrible reality. Swallow you up so the future won't exist.

That's not right though, there is a reason for being here, of that you are certain of...but what is it?

Why? _What? _Where? **Who?**

Always new questions, never any answers, and definitely no respite from the constant pain lingering in the background, pushing you forward – tearing you down.

The depression is clouding all thoughts, making the hallucinations seem almost okay. Your temperature is high now, bordering on deadly...but the clammy skin feels cold beneath your shaking fingers. Yes, that's the reason you are convulsing..._So much_ shaking. It is **unbearable**.

Just make it stop. _Please...Stop._

Another question, and your brain hurts for being alive. Though, that doesn't stop your mind from wondering – _Why am I shivering? What is the cause?_

Time and reason don't exist any more, and for the millionth time in your life you find yourself wishing the same for your own existence. Take it away. Be GONE...and feel sweet nothingness for the rest of black eternity.

You want to rest, and think that it is almost time...Cruel life may just let you.

Then, your vision is clouded by pink. Nothing but bright bubble gum sweetness that is familiar, yet so sickening. If this is your end, it's fucked up.

Except it isn't and you aren't dying.  
Water splashes your face and the dizziness lessens, while a cough fills your ears...It's you, you realise.

Vibrant green come into focus and suddenly you are blinking rapidly. Eyes are looking back at you and for a moment you think you have gone to heaven, and not hell.

Only, the angel that haunts your most vivid nightmares speaks and everything you believed in for the past however long is torn away. She looks violent, expression angry and there is no distinguishing the words.

This woman might very well be the devil dressed as your first love...a love that you cannot acknowledge. Whatever the case, none of it matters. Angel – Demon..._Who cares. _

Blurry eyes slide shut slowly and the familiar face fades away, and you don't even realise that you are speaking...

"Sakura...What the fuck is going on?" You rasp, and the earth encompasses your body once more, the cold engulfing pale skin comfortingly.

You don't know what is going on, or how any of this began...You don't even know that you have just been saved.

How the hell did this happen? You wonder again before blackness becomes your keeper.

It doesn't matter though...You will not die...Sakura is here.

xxx

_Earlier..._

"Domo arigato. I really appreciate your patience Itou-san." A feminine voice echoes throughout the medical centre entranceway. "Again, I'm sorry that the supplies took so long. Our village required all shinobi and we were unable to send a team." The pink haired medic explains, smiling brightly at the older woman before her.

"That's quite alright dear, please Mayabi is fine." The brunette nods. "We understand that Sunagakure was in a dire position. We are all grateful that the Kazekage is alive and well." She says seriously. It is no surprise though, the entire shinobi world knows of Gaara and his lost Biju. "This may be a small town Sakura-san, but we are up on all of the business." The woman finishes, an expression of amusement playing upon her plump face.

Nodding in agreement, a soft laugh enters the air and Sakura's eyes twinkle. The kunoichi can just imagine the old women of the province gossiping away from day to day about all sorts of things; It would actually be a good life. "I'm sure you are." The pinkette says, voicing her thoughts. "Unfortunately, I must get going. It's a surprise that we were able to make it here at all, with the nation wide safety restrictions." She neglects to mention that a trip may not be possible for awhile, and hopefully the extra medical items will be enough to get them through. Hell, if Sakura didn't fight her shishou to make this trip, then none of the medical centres of the area would be stocked. Kami knows the possibilities if they were to run out of supplies and a serious injury were to occur. The pinkette knows that her sensei is only worried for her safety, being unable to send an entire team to assist in the mission. Really though, there is nothing to worry about. If Sakura can survive Sasori with Chiyo-Obaa, then anything is possible.

Unaware of the thoughts playing through the ninja's mind, Mayabi's eyes crinkle in a worried smile. "Are you sure that you won't stay the night? I know that your team has already returned home, and the roads are still closed." She offers for the second time that day, along with promises of a hot meal and a bath. "It wouldn't be a bother."

Despite the tempting offer, it isn't possible. "No, no. That's quite alright. I'll just go through the forest." Sakura states with a shake of her head. Pausing, the medic notices a worried look aimed her way, "I am a shinobi after all, I can hold my own. As for you lot. Please follow the safety precautions for your area, there are people who aren't as amiable as myself and my village, so please follow your neighbouring ninja nations protocol." Her words are placating as well as practical. That is her job after all.

"Understood Sakura-san. Please, have a safe trip." Mayabi accepts with a small smile and a shallow bow of thanks.

"Hai hai. Arigato for your hospitality, these herbs are just the thing I needed for my current research." The medic thanks, patting the satchel full of natural medical supplies.

"Any time." The nurse replies, walking the kunoichi to the entranceway courteously.

"Sayonara and I wish you well." Sakura waves before exiting the establishment quickly to greet the dwindling evening light. Looking around the empty streets, the woman is thankful that the small town is paying attention to the signs placed around. It would do no good for more people to be ransacked and killed. It is doubtful that the Akatsuki would stoop to such levels. However, the herald of one evil organisation is enough to bring the other creepy crawlies out of the woodwork. It is a shame, but also a good opportunity for the shinobi nations to do some real clean up work. Sadly, Konoha has bigger issues to deal with.

Turning to the darkened thicket to her right, the kunoichi tries her best not to slouch at the unwelcoming aura coming from the shadowed path. There is no possible way that she will be able to catch up with her deployed team now, but with a little time management, the gates of Konoha could be three days away.

Sighing lightly, Sakura secures her satchel and weapons holster. Placing a senbon or two behind her ear, the medic darts off at a quick pace, determined to make good time.

If all goes to plan, Sakura will be home soon...

xxx

Darkness reigns throughout the forest, encroaching on even the most hopeful slivers of light and extinguishing their existence. There are no sounds to comfort human ears, aside from the soft gust of breeze pushing through the leaves and the occasional 'hoot' of an owl. The small animals of the night roam in silence, unknowingly placing themselves in danger to nocturnal predators; While the hunters search for weaklings to devour, until they too are eventually made prey to the beast on two legs. Rostered shinobi of various nations flitter through the tree tops stealthily, completing their home Village's orders - They are unknown and unseen.

The same can be said for a small group of ninja, hidden in the deepest depths of the forest, while the newly made leader plans his next steps. The existence of these shinobi is hidden by an illusion of sharingan finery that only the elite can breach, and even then, perfect chakra control would be required.

For tonight, Uchiha Sasuke will lament in seclusion, while Team Hebi bicker annoyingly at a safe distance. If these buffoons were not required to complete his ultimate goal, the nin would not accept such vexatious behaviour. However, that is not the case, and he will need their assistance to a degree. (Albeit reluctantly.)

Team Hebi has just come into fruition, and come dawn the journey to find 'that man' will begin. Orochimaru has met his demise due to over confidence, and the youngest Uchiha could not be happier. He will be even better once he is the _only _Uchiha. Nevertheless, his patience will eventually be rewarded. Additionally, there is no possible way that Sasuke can travel in this condition.

Yes, Team Hebi may be under the impression that they have stopped for tactical reasons. Though, the reality is much different. To Sasuke, the plan has already been concocted (he has been planning for months) and he is dying to get it over with...To savour his victory.

Unfortunately, each hour that passes, and the further he travels from Orochimaru's lair – away from Kabuto and his daily injections, the more horrible he feels. It wasn't so bad in the beginning, and the only thing the ninja could focus on was the feeling of being free, of being able to move forward. Then, the first 24 hours was breached and the hell started to get worse and worse, until the whisperings of the evil snake, along with uncontrollable shivering have become more than he can bare.

Sasuke would give anything to be better, to move forward with his quest. Sadly, nothing can change the fact that he is in withdrawal and reaching the stage where it is unconcealable to his team. The nukenin refuses to show weakness in front of subordinates and will wait out this spell of symptoms.

Sighing, the Uchiha gazes up at the moon from his perch on a tree branch...If only he was a medic...

xxx

The tree tops are easier to travel by and give the Konoha nin coverage that the pathway does not provide. Even so, this thick darkness is almost too much for Sakura to navigate through, increasing the need to use her chakra for sight. Thankfully, the kunoichi is able to mask her energy while in use, despite the task using a little more chakra than she would like. Still, it would do no good to come across anything unsavoury because of stamina conservation; Especially when doing so would take a lot more out of her in the end.

Leaping from one branch to the next, Sakura continues her steady pace into the night. It would be lovely to stop and have a breather, the teen muses. Unfortunately, the risk of being found increases ten fold when stationary, and even though she is a confident shinobi, Sakura is not going to leave herself open to chance. Kami knows what folk lurk around this area undetected, and honestly the pinkette does not want to find out. Clutching the newly drawn kunai tighter in her grasp, the medic pushes forward to where the blackness is strongest. It won't be long until she has reached the middle of the forest where the trees begin to grow greener and moonlight able to poke through the leafy canopy comfortingly.

Only, something catches the girls eye, halting the journey momentarily. It's a presence up ahead that is masked so wonderfully, she would be unable to see without already using chakra. The fuzziness around the edges of the area is only visible to a select few, and Sakura can't help but wonder if she should steer clear of this gen jutsu. It is clear that the barrier is not only meant to deter but to keep people out, weaving those who enter in an illusion of some sort. Though, being an illusion specialist has it's advantages, and the pink haired teen cringes at her own actions, as petite feet touch the forest floor. Despite the barrier wishing to keep people away, Sakura can't help but get the feeling that she is meant to enter. Which is a very foolish notion really...Perhaps, this is the power of the illusion?

Shaking away the thoughts, Sakura concentrates with all her might, crafting a gen jutsu all of her own, designed to trick the barrier upon entry. Then, she steps through the barrier quickly before she can change her mind. What Sakura finds just inside the entryway, at the base of a tree, is enough to make her gasp in horror.

"Sasuke!" The woman hisses with wide eyes. Fingers come up to join and make sure the man sprawled on the ground isn't an illusion. Once confirmed, she rushes forward hastily, choosing to ignore all other possibilities of danger. They don't matter at this moment. Sasuke is here and from the looks of it, he needs a medic!

"You fucking baka! What in Kami's name do you think you are doing becoming like this?!" She rants softly, anger evident on her heart shaped face. Grabbing hold of the sick ninja, Sakura pulls him up to lean against the base of the tree, muttering to herself all the while.

Thankfully, it doesn't take long for the green healing chakra to start working, and after a moment, coal eyes are sliding open to stare back at worried green. It is only a second and Sakura finds that she needs to see them again, those familiar pools of onyx that visit her each night. Pulling out her canteen, water is poured onto her loves clammy face quickly, making Sasuke sputter and cough.

It must have helped though, because he is speaking. It is just a sentence, but that is all the girl needs to affirm this is reality.

"Sakura...What the fuck is going on?" Sasuke rasps in the same voice she heard only months before. Back when Orochimaru was his master and Team Kakashi had no way of retrieving him. The possibility that she could pick Sasuke up and carry him back to Konoha is far from her mind, with his health covering the entirety of her thought process. Much later, Sakura will realise the gross over sight and curse herself. Right now, she has work to do...

xxx

When Sasuke wakes next he is completely aware. It is still dark and the ninja finds himself lying further away from his original location. It seems that the hollow of a tree is his source of protection that is covered by a very well crafted gen jutsu. Sliding to sit upwards, the ninja only gets so far in his sluggish state. That, and there is a sleeping kunoichi with her head resting in his lap, one arm slung over his knees like it belongs there.

Onyx eyes are agape, despite not actually being surprised at all. Which is strange, because the last thing Sasuke can remember clearly is the shivers reaching a horrible height before he decided to rest his eyes for a moment, on the tree branch he was hidden on for many hours prior. Still, it feels like he has been aware of Sakura's presence for quite a while now.

Moving slowly, the shinobi does not want to wake the girl for fear of a confrontation. Except, something doesn't feel quite right about that. It is obvious from his current condition that she was the one who saved him. Sighing heavily the Uchiha notes that this is yet another time that Sakura has given him her unconditional care. Without realising it, his fingers tangle through completely soft pink and a feeling of contentedness washes over him. It feels so right, but Sasuke knows it is wrong. He shouldn't be here, hidden behind a barrier of his old team mates making, contemplating what Sakura will feel should she wake up and find him gone. This isn't what breaking bonds is all about. Especially when those ties are already severed...supposedly. Slowly, the anger begins to bubble along with the familiar feelings of home, and the words from so long ago echo in the back of his mind, words Sasuke should not remember. Fuck Konoha, and fuck Sakura for making him _feel_. The only emotions that he can deal with right now are determination and hate, otherwise his Aniki will never perish. Sasuke will never reach his goal all because of stupid _love_.

Rising to his knees, the Uchiha holds the woman gently in his grasp and sneers at the contradiction to his minds rationale. This perfectly pale face and petal lips could be his demise. Just like Naruto's friendship could stunt his journey forever, until eventually all Sasuke could feel for his once friends would be mind numbing resentment. Of course, these are thoughts that he has pondered upon countless times, and really, Sasuke is sick of it. He is sick of convincing himself to grow strong, to _hate_. Emotions like that should come easy, but these _people_ dissect his soul and turn him into a person Sasuke doesn't even know. Somebody sickening, with plain goals and regular feelings such as trust and loyalty. _It will never happen again. _Sasuke thinks, his resolve now set. Sure, those long soft eyelashes and rosy cheeks are enough to make him instantly question his decision, but it is pushed away vehemently. This _annoying girl _will not make him weak ever again.

Moving toward the entranceway, Sasuke pauses for a moment as thoughts of Sakura waking alone cross his mind once more. Unable to help it, he hangs his head with a sigh and turns back to the pink haired mess of emotions sleeping fitfully. Crawling closer, Sasuke promises himself just one moment, then it is over forever - Sakura will never enter his heart again.

"Sakura." The teen whispers, slinging his arm beneath her and pulling the petite body upwards. Once safely in his grasp the nin uses his free hand to trail along her arm until his fingers play with the soft hairs at the nape of her neck, letting his thumb caress her cheek and lips for just a moment.

"Maybe in another life." He finds himself murmuring, as his sharingan eyes take in the sight that is so close, copying it for all of time. This is the first opportunity for him to be so close to Sakura without fear of being watched. He didn't get a chance to look at her like this last time at Orochimaru's lair, and the raven haired teen knows there will be no other moments like this. It is good that he got to see her all grown up for the last time...

"Sakura." Sasuke says a little louder, and emerald eyes begin to flutter open dreamily.

"Sasuke-kun." She replies in that same soft voice, beckoning him to stay with just the utterance of his name – making him weak once more.

In the next moment, Sasuke's lips are upon hers and it is his first and probably last kiss for life. It's frenzied and sensual, and full of so much regret that it makes his heart clench painfully. He can practically feel the love pouring into his body as her soft lips open ravenously, tongues touching instinctively. Then, it is over and he is pulling away with eyes spinning rapidly, her gaze trapped within his own.

As if realising his intention Sakura smiles sadly and says, "I will always love you Sasuke." Before her eyes slide closed with his sharingan spell.

"And that is why I must kill you." He whispers, placing a kiss on her forehead and pushing away the crippling weakness that follows the thought.

When Sasuke exits the hollow to find his team, he takes in a deep breath and does not look back. He must be strong for the next part of his journey, for soon Itachi will die. There is no room for weakness or doubt on this path to hatred and Sakura brings out both within him, along with a myriad of emotions that should not be possible. It doesn't matter though, his resolve is set.

The next time Sasuke meets Sakura, she will die...

xxx

**A/N **

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Ja ne! **

**MerinxD**


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